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im sucidal and need real help

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fragilia.17 View Drop Down
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Joined: June/14/2008
Location: United Kingdom
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    Posted: October/29/2008 at 7:46am
so it feels like im doing this for the million time, seriously i have been to over 16 depression forums and had assistance from smaritans on my e-mail where i got to address someone who would just listen "i mean read" what i feel and nothing helped,

because i dont know whats the problem in the first place,

so here we go again

im a 17 female, senoir high school, i have been suffering from depression since i was like 11 years old, i grew up fast and was abused by my mother, "physically" and "emotionally",

i used to have a lot of dreams, i waned to be a doctor, and im so creative, i play acoustic guitar, i paint and write and im so talented, im an emo also,
the problem is that i dont feel like i know myself anymore, i used to suffer from mild depression, sometimes i did cut myself, actually a lot, since i was like 14 i started cutting myself, it used to make me feel better when im really upset, my mother hates me, and dont tell me that mothers dont hate their kids because its too obvious that she hates me a lot,


i have lost everything, i dont even know who am i anymore and it's scary because i want to suicide, i know i want to, im not sad or upset or mad, i just think that i dont want to live anymore, i dont have anything to live for, i dont like anything anymore, i dont even hate anything, and i dont have faith in anyhing, in fact i dont know whats my religion now! i moved from islam to atheism , then islam, then now i dont know what am, i dont believe in anything, and i truely think that the right thing to do is suicide but i need someone else to tell me that it's ok to kill myself, because the world doesnt mean anything to me anymore!
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