Forum Home Forum Home > Writer/Book Forums > Writer's Showcase
  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - Hero [Opening]
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Events   Register Register  Login Login


Hero [Opening]

 Post Reply Post Reply Page  12>
Author
Message
brotheroddkins View Drop Down
Master
Master
Avatar

Joined: February/27/2007
Status: Offline
Points: 861
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote brotheroddkins Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Hero [Opening]
    Posted: December/14/2009 at 11:14pm
Haven't posted anything on this part of the forum but I thought I would post this opening chapter of a new novel I'm working on called Hero. It's something I've been fooling with for awhile and finally sat down and started it. Enjoy.
Reading: The Shadow Rising by Robert Jordan & Urban Gothic by Brian Keene


That is not dead which can eternal lie.
And with strange aeons even death may die.
Back to Top
Sponsored Links


Back to Top
brotheroddkins View Drop Down
Master
Master
Avatar

Joined: February/27/2007
Status: Offline
Points: 861
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote brotheroddkins Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: December/14/2009 at 11:15pm
[Now]

     He had waited all this time to come face-to-face with him. Now, that Michael stared at his brother, Harlen, his mortal enemy, he was apprehensive. It had been ten long years. Ever since that day. The horrible day, that he never thought of anymore. Harlen glared at him across the rain soaked parking lot. Cars were on fire and the buildings behind Harlen were in ruin.
     “So, this is how it ends between us.” Harlen stated.
     “Maybe, it does.”
     “Now, we shall see who is the better of us two.”
     “I never wanted this, Harlen.” Michael replied. He could feel the anger rolling off of his brother. He kept his own in check as much as he could. He couldn’t afford to lose control. Harlen stalked a patch of grass around him like a panther. He was just six feet tall and he wore a large leather trenchcoat. Harlen had always been one for drama and flare. His hair was stark white and he wore it long. It glistened in the moonlight.
     Michael shifted his weight from foot to foot. He wanted his brother to make the first move. He ran his had through his pitch black hair. He wore no shirt because it had been destroyed, while saving people in a burning building. His jeans were torn and cinged.
     “You didn’t have to go this far.” He said to Harlen.
     “Didn’t I?”
     “Why do you resent me so?”
     “WHY,” Harlen looked around, as if he had an audience, “After everything and he asks me why.” Michael knew that he had all of his brother’s rage coming, really. He had done terrible things to him. Things that he couldn’t take back.
     “I’m sorry.”
     “No, you’re not. But you will be. Soon.” Michael frowned, what did he mean by that? Michael felt his cell phone sound in his jeans pocket. He had thought it had fallen out. He dug in his pocket and retrieved it. He flipped it open and found a picture of a little girl on his screen. It was Kimberly. She was tied to a chair. He let out a growl.
     “What did you do to her?” He asked.
     “Nothing. Yet.” Harlen glared at him.
     “Tell me where she is or I will kill you, right now.”
     “Kill me and you’ll never know where she is.”
     “What do you want?”
     “I thought it fitting that you took mine away from me, so why not take yours away from you.” Harlen grinned like a fool.
     “Mother and father would be so disappointed.”
     “I stopped caring what they would think a long time ago.”
     “Kim would be very disappointed.”
     “Leave that b**ch out of this.”
     “You loved her too.”
     “Yes, I did and she destroyed that part of me. I had a piece of her with Richard but you saw to him in short order, also. Didn’t you?” Harlen’s anger energy was really disturbing Michael now. He could go off at any moment and it wouldn’t be funny. More like a small nuclear blast.
     “That was an accident.”
     “Keep telling yourself that. If that is what let’s you sleep at night.”
     “It was.”
     “You knew what he was and destroyed him for it.”
     “No”
     “YES!”
     “I would have helped him, when he was older. But you wanted to mold him into a killing machine. You are twisted and have always been.” Michael replied.
     “You never gave a (censored) about me or mine. You flit around and save people like you are Superman or something. You aren’t, you know.”
     “I never claimed to be.”
     “You are a fool.”
     “Think what you like.”
     “What I think is that your day of reckoning has come.” Harlen ‘s body started to glow and pulse. Michael ran toward him, just as the explosion wracked his body. He flew across the parking lot and through a chain-link fence. A telephone pole was the last thing that he hit. He fell to the ground and felt consciousness leave him.
     They say that your life flashes before your eyes when you die. This was happened to Michael Ashe when his eyes closed and the pain took over. Memories came rushing back. Some of them weren’t even his, just pieces that his mother or father had filled in. Happier times.
Reading: The Shadow Rising by Robert Jordan & Urban Gothic by Brian Keene


That is not dead which can eternal lie.
And with strange aeons even death may die.
Back to Top
FinalExam View Drop Down
Guru
Guru
Avatar

Joined: February/08/2007
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 8753
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote FinalExam Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: December/15/2009 at 12:11am
A great start, I'm a sucker for a Cain and Able story. Like how you j ump right in the middle of something, makes the reader eager for backstory.   
We are not strangers to ourselves, we only try to be. --Odd Thomas by Dean Koontz
Back to Top
brotheroddkins View Drop Down
Master
Master
Avatar

Joined: February/27/2007
Status: Offline
Points: 861
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote brotheroddkins Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: December/15/2009 at 12:53am
Thanks, FE. Yeah, this is like the fourth or fifth time that I've started this story. This time, though, I think I have it right. (Fingers crossed)
Reading: The Shadow Rising by Robert Jordan & Urban Gothic by Brian Keene


That is not dead which can eternal lie.
And with strange aeons even death may die.
Back to Top
dnurse64 View Drop Down
Guru
Guru
Avatar

Joined: July/29/2008
Status: Offline
Points: 1976
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote dnurse64 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: December/15/2009 at 5:53am
Nice. It lured me in. I'm into conflicts between brothers too. It's one of the most emotionally frustrating types of character tensions to me since siblings have such a potential to be lovingly close. I like it when the animosity will be scattered with sudden glimmers of that potential bond contrasted and mix within their hate for each other.
I'm inclined to believe in parallel worlds filled with dark bound Snow and Odd adventures.

Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  12>
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down

All my sites | Web Wiz Hosting Services | Privacy policy