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Am I totally abnormal?

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    Posted: July/05/2005 at 10:20am

Hi there fellow sufferers.  What the hell do you do when you have a problem that you cannot talk to someone about face to face, or even on the telephone?  That is my situation, one that I have been in for the last 20 years.  I feel it's just too embaressing and laughable to even mention, so a forum like this is my only hope.

I was beaten heavily as a kid.  I absolutely hated it, especially school.  I cannot even begin to describe the living hell I went through, the pain, anxieties and nightmares I still go through.  I honestly thought that after all this time, the memories of this would ease.

How can I explain this without sounding weird?  My childhood to me was one of harshness, roughness, brutality, beatings, pain, basically rough and tough.  I craved warmth and softness the more I was subjected to this.  As an escape from my harsh reality, I began experimenting in mum's clothes, and I know, this sounds totally , well you know, I won't swear here.

I liked the softness and warmth of it, and I especially loved the tights and hosiery.  I  can't explain it to anyone here except that it was such a total contrast to my world of pain and harshness.  That's all I can say, I can't express it any better than that.  And I wouldn't blame people for laughing at me, hence my embaressment to talk to someone.

I would usually wear after school and to bed, and it was such a nice relief to me.

Here I am 20 years later, and though I forced myself to stop this, I  have to admit that I still am overcome many times by my past, and to my shame, I would like nothing more than to feel something soft and comforting.

Please be brutally honest with me, I am desparate.  I have been rapidly falling apart lately.

Am I weird or abnormal?  I would so much appreciate some advice.  As I say, I wouldn't blame you for laughing, but please, please, if you do, don't post something like this as a reply to me, I really couldn't handle it at the moment.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Guests Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/05/2005 at 4:29pm

wow....I don't think that's funny at all....you did what ever you could to hold on and survive....there is no shame in that at all. To me, it's admirable. It's the people who did this to you that should be ashamed...

It must be hard not to be able to talk to anyone but somehow you found yourself here so that means you haven't given up hope yet...which is an essential....I can totally relate to you in some parts of the family thingy and I actually left my home when I was 15. I still have past issues to deal with, I'm 22, but I'm slowly getting up the ladder.  

It will take time but I'm confident your going to make it and find people to help you through it all.  So I think that k_kid's right ..I'm sure people here will support you and help you if you talk to them....trust what you feel is right for you...that feeling is always wright....

peace and love to you

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drake7707 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote drake7707 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/06/2005 at 1:50pm

watch out for the gaps in the ladder however, one misstep and your all down again, what i mean is to build up life again, but be careful doing that

 

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote guest96 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October/08/2005 at 11:23am
hey guest, don't be ashamed. people have done similar things too. we can chat, private message me so we can chat
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katrin-ru View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote katrin-ru Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: April/08/2016 at 5:13am
These 2 tests can help you to find out whether you are bipolar or not: http://undepress.net/am-i-bipolar-find-out-with-two-simple-tests-on-manic-depression/
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